Jamie is difficult to categorise. Part warrior, part philosopher, part vagabond, part wanderer, part prettyboy and very often part plain old goofball. Always smiling, always engaging.

As my American cousin he and his brothers always carried a slight mystique when we were younger. We didn’t get to see eachother much until we got older but the bond was formed early on and reinforced over the years.

Jamie had this spiritual and philosophical side. This is something we have in common and certainly bonded over.

The photograph included in this post is from 2014. Taken shortly after Jamie had his big surgery. He was weakened, naturally, but still incredibly strong and robust. We hiked a few hours, at a slow and steady pace with multiple breaks. Jamie enjoyed it alot. We stopped to fish and actually caught a few trout. Jamie had little experience fishing with this kind of rod and probably struggled a little with the coordination of his hands. He still found it incredibly fun and was all smiles.

We stayed at 2 different mountain cabins, where we cooked food together and had a bottle of wine. Jamie only tasted it as alchol had an increased negative impact on his brain. We had some very meaning full 1 on 1 conversations on this trip. Jamie told me in detail of the surgery. He spoke of his seizures, describing how they felt in eerie detail. He almost appeared to have a morbid fascination with his illness. He wasn’t afraid to talk about it, and he didn’t at all fear it. He stood tall in the face of the hardest challenge any man can ever face. That challenge he took on valiantly, with the spirit of the philosophical warrior.

Ultimately Jamie lost that fight, as we shall all do one day. We can only hope that we can meet that challenge in the way Jamie did, but very few will be able to do so.

I have so much admiration for Jamie’s dignity, his bravery and his honesty. I am glad i was privileged to have gotten to know Jamie. By example he inspires me to try to better myself and I hope I can do it but I fear i shan’t be able as the bar is set so very high.

Last time I saw Jamie he was very sick. He was very difficult to recognise. His features were altered by sickness and medication. His fighting spirit was not. We sat his room, hugged and he told me he loves me. I told him the same. I did and I still do. I am glad he knew.

We went on a car ride and I played songs for him on the stereo. His favourites included Famous blue raincoat and Bird on a wire by Leonard Cohen. Randomly a song by Bob Dylan started. Called Not Dark Yet. Jamie asked me to play it twice. I am not sure why. The lyrics are incredibly hauting, expessially for Jamie in the situation he was in. ” It’s not dark yet, but it’s getting there” the lyrics quietly goes. Maybe he wasn’t paying attention to the lyrics, it is a very beutiful song. It was a moment where it felt like Jamie kind of made peace with the situation but i did not ask or probe about it so we shall never know the answer.

For Jamie to have gotten this disease feels so very, very unfair. It is unfair.

I take solace in the fact that Jamie had a life well lived. Jamie will be greatly missed by all those who got to know him.

With love
Your cousin Øyvind.

Posted by Øyvind Ørtoft